If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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