you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize