we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
