Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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