I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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