my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
