so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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