I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
