i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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