i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ugly people sure do ruin things
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
