It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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