Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
