I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
