I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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