my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's the barista slut.
porn star boner night. come get it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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