Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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