brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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