somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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