I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
