it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
