So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
