there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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