I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
