I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
