i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
