the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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