dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
