I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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