I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
