rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
