Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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