I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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