Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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