I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
