You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
