i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
