Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
