There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
