He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize