somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
