Having a random hookup so left but love u
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
