no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
