The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
