Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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