Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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