remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
