Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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