What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
