k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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