Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
