'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am one with the molecules
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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