Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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