u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i out mim tonsoeep
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