I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
