Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
