definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
