I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
