how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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