she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
