So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
