I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
