I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
