I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
is it fun? or sober?
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