You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
