The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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