He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
