Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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