she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
