if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
