Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
