Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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