I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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