I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
