Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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