watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
